the Holy Church of Brittania High

Salty · **Posted:** Fri Nov 21, 2008 12:03 pm

as head man,boss,reverand,cardinal of the HCoBH my holy gowns are now paisley dressing gowns with a mitre that resembles a tea cosy!

grabec · **Posted:** Fri Nov 21, 2008 1:47 pm

Why not skip the mitre and have just the tea cosy?? These are hard times and it's good to economise.

PS Peter Bowles..that's his name. Remembered at last :wink:

Salty · **Posted:** Fri Nov 21, 2008 2:01 pm

I have the mitre already!!

toasty warm it is

grabec · **Posted:** Fri Nov 21, 2008 2:25 pm

As the actress said to the bishop...

Salty · **Posted:** Sat Nov 22, 2008 7:16 pm

some girls mothers are bigger than other girls mothers?!

Salty · **Posted:** Fri Nov 28, 2008 11:54 am

Salty wrote:

lesson for the day....

There is no short cut to a dream
But i am not afraid i'll take it all the way
Im gunna give more than it takes
Work harder than the rest till im the very best

you think youv'e got it all figured out
You think ur so damn cool whats that all about
But ive got mime just watch this space
And you just wait
Hold up a mirror you should see yourself
You think your so much better than everybody else
But i've got time just watch this space
And you just wait

There's something deep inside my heart
Burns with a thousands flies
So relentess my desire
I see a future shine so bright
Beyond the finish line
Im gunna make it mine

you think youv'e got it all figured out
You think ur so damn special whats that all about
But ive got mime just watch this space
And you just wait
Hold up a mirror you should see yourself
You think you think that you wont stumble like everybody else
But i got time just watch this space
And you just wait

You bring your best
I'll be one step ahead
Your tears will fall
You'll be falling instead
you just wait
Im not afraid
And im not backing down
Shut up your eyes
And its coming around
you just wait

Indeed, you just wait untill 14/12/08......keep that day in mind Brothers.

Todays lesson is the same as the previous lesson you heard before, I know that you may be thinking when is he going to preach something new? but we need constant reminders no matter how repetitive, banal and boring it may be!

Now I know I've been quiet of late but I have had to fend off some very serious allegations aimed at the HCoBH. You may see these in certain 'newspapers' in upcoming days. All I say to you is to keep the faith in me and dont listen to all the haters out there.
Yes, I may have got embroiled in scandals and corruption, but it wasn't my fault! I had legitimate pathetic reasons for my actions but just put them out of your mind, because the main aim is eternal happiness which i will provide and will come on 14/12.

In the meantime keep the faith and remember donations can be made directly into the boxes, direct debit, wills, charitible donations are always accepted and remember this can be used as a tax dodge too!! jewellry and gifts are greatfully accepted and taken straight to cash converters!

thankyou my people, eternal happiness is on the horizon!

BillinghamPoolie · **Posted:** Fri Nov 28, 2008 12:00 pm

I was just about to put on a witty remark about dodging axes, but you corrected your spelling mistake. banghead

Salty · **Posted:** Fri Nov 28, 2008 12:02 pm

I blame the likes of you for using the internet to rake up dirt on my whiter than white organisation!

haters people, beware!!!

grabec · **Posted:** Fri Nov 28, 2008 12:03 pm

I don't want to be in the church any more. :razz:

And why don't you answer my question about your georgian Theatre gig? :evil:

BillinghamPoolie · **Posted:** Fri Nov 28, 2008 12:04 pm

Careful now or I'll arrange to send one of the Sisters around to give you a chinese burn, I've got connections you know!!
(that was aimed at Salty, not you Florence. :laugh:

)

Salty · **Posted:** Fri Nov 28, 2008 12:05 pm

well, there will be believers who will leave the church.....but as I keep saying the broad road leads off into destruction and many are the ones finding it.......are you sure you want destruction florence and eternal unhappiness???!!

erm, what georgian theatre question?????? :uhoh:

Salty · **Posted:** Fri Nov 28, 2008 12:06 pm

BillinghamPoolie wrote:

Careful now or I'll arrange to send one of the Sisters around to give you a chinese burn, I've got connections you know!!
(that was aimed at Salty, not you Florence. :laugh:

)

oh, I expect nothing less from people like you.... :roll:

I suppose it was you who grassed us up to that 'journalist'....

grabec · **Posted:** Fri Nov 28, 2008 12:16 pm

Salty wrote:

......are you sure you want destruction florence and eternal unhappiness???!!

Gulp....let me reconsider this...... :uhoh:

erm, what georgian theatre question?????? :uhoh:

The Georgian Theatre question in the Georgian Theatre index, of course :roll:

Mr Ripper · **Posted:** Fri Nov 28, 2008 12:17 pm

Florence wrote:

Salty wrote:

......are you sure you want destruction florence and eternal unhappiness???!!

Gulp....let me reconsider this...... :uhoh:

erm, what georgian theatre question?????? :uhoh:

The Georgian Theatre question in the Georgian Theatre index, of course :roll:

I thought all religious questions were either rhetorical or unanswerable?

Salty · **Posted:** Fri Nov 28, 2008 12:23 pm

no they are all answerable Ripper, they just dont make any sense! apart from mine that is.....the HCoBH is the one true religion the rest are all just destructive,mind controlling dross [rubbish to you and me]

Salty · **Posted:** Mon Dec 01, 2008 11:31 am

New leaflet and advertising campaign coming soon..........

But these things dont come cheap brothers, remember to donate weekly, preferably thrice weekly...if you want to sign the deeds of your house over to me, I mean the church, you may do so, because after 14/12 [13 days away brothers + sister] you will not need these material things anymore as eternal happiness will be yours.

Salty · **Posted:** Mon Dec 01, 2008 12:03 pm

of course

imagine all the offy's we can rob!!

grabec · **Posted:** Mon Dec 01, 2008 12:27 pm

Thin and Crusty wrote:

Eternal happiness eh? am I still booked in to get the Intravenous drip with John Smiths attached through my blood stream?

The way you go on, the intravenous drip will be to add blood to the alcohol in your system :wink:

Salty · **Posted:** Thu Dec 04, 2008 10:11 am

This mornings lesson for a cold snowy day.......[remember this climate change is a sign that doomsday is on the horizon!! not long to go now bro's + sis 14/12 is on the horizon, keep on the watch!]

The day the donkey derby came to town
people came to watch from all around
Alas we didn't see who won the race
because the supergroup The Who
swooped down from the Moon
and squirted tart lemon in our face.

Important announcement.
This hall doesn't heat itself you know, dont forget to pay for the warmth you recieve[d] on your way out.
ta

grabec · **Posted:** Thu Dec 04, 2008 11:51 am

I have to start questioning the ethos of HCoBH. The manager is saying the same things every week, not getting the best out of the team, not exploiting his resources, constantly preaching jam to-morrow. And now, just more poetry and unheated halls :roll:

The credit crunch is no excuse :evil:

Snowy · **Joined:** Fri Aug 18, 2006 12:18 pm **Posts:** 37966

Religion......... where's the Vikings when you want them? sadx

Salty · **Posted:** Thu Dec 04, 2008 12:04 pm

Florence wrote:

I have to start questioning the ethos of HCoBH. The manager is saying the same things every week, not getting the best out of the team, not exploiting his resources, constantly preaching jam to-morrow. And now, just more poetry and unheated halls :roll:

The credit crunch is no excuse :evil:

he/she that endures to the end is the one that will be saved Flo.

and repetition for emphasis, although insanely boring is good because it keeps the mind focussed on the good things that are to come, and they will come!

its on the horizon......

Salty · **Posted:** Thu Dec 04, 2008 1:51 pm

but thats where it is...............

Salty · **Posted:** Thu Dec 04, 2008 2:00 pm

on the horizon

1. keep the faith
2. keep on enduring
3. keep on donating

Salty · **Posted:** Thu Dec 04, 2008 2:13 pm

on the contrary, its normal to have doubts thin....but if you look hard enough and keep on believing the answers are there!!

but the above are the steps to eternal happiness :wink:

grabec · **Posted:** Thu Dec 04, 2008 2:18 pm

I have written a poem. Will this do, instead of cash/jewellery?

Salty · **Posted:** Thu Dec 04, 2008 2:19 pm

so you're not going to attend tonights meeting of the HCoBH????!!!

another key to eternal happiness is attending ALL meetings thin
the box is in its usual place! :wink:

Salty · **Posted:** Thu Dec 04, 2008 2:21 pm

Florence wrote:

I have written a poem. Will this do, instead of cash/jewellery?

only if you sell it and give 50% of the royalties to the church Flo.
kind of a tithe if you will

but creativity is a good thing, its a reflection on all the good things I have given you and the happiness that is yet to come!

grabec · **Posted:** Thu Dec 04, 2008 2:23 pm

I won't let you read it then :roll:

But, just a minute....surely a tithe is only 10%?

Salty · **Posted:** Thu Dec 04, 2008 2:25 pm

non-attendance is looked down upon thin......
really what will you do instead?
watch TV?
work?
really working/trying to better yourself by going to college in this time that we are living in is futile!!
a bit like polishing the brass on the titanic.

at this time as the end gets ever nearer we should be putting all our efforts and funds into the church....

Salty · **Posted:** Thu Dec 04, 2008 2:26 pm

Florence wrote:

I won't let you read it then :roll:

But, just a minute....surely a tithe is only 10%?

thats why I said kind of Flo....

grabec · **Posted:** Thu Dec 04, 2008 2:30 pm

Well it doesn't sound 'kind of' to me....it means I'l be 40% worse off.

Let me see......what's 40% of nothing.... confised

Salty · **Posted:** Thu Dec 04, 2008 2:36 pm

theres more happiness in giving than recieving Flo.

grabec · **Posted:** Thu Dec 04, 2008 2:37 pm

Oh, aye, verily... :laugh:

Salty · **Posted:** Sun Dec 07, 2008 8:29 pm

this time next week it'll be all over!

you cant say you weren't warned.

join the HCoBH now and eternal happiness will be yours!

BillinghamPoolie · **Posted:** Sun Dec 07, 2008 10:55 pm

Salty wrote:

this time next week it'll be all over!

you cant say you weren't warned.

join the HCoBH now and eternal happiness will be yours!

Can I decide a week on Monday?

Salty · **Posted:** Mon Dec 08, 2008 12:35 am

silly heathen!

Frodraff · **Posted:** Mon Dec 08, 2008 2:10 am

He's very good at this. Got all the answers and every thing. A Billy Graham in the making. On the other hand I hope he doesn't become a Martin Luther King.

You don't have dream do you Salty?

Salty · **Posted:** Mon Dec 08, 2008 3:12 pm

just dreams of eternal happiness an that, why?

oh :uhoh:

Salty · **Posted:** Thu Dec 11, 2008 5:46 pm

the time left [to give the HCoBH your money] is running out!!!!!

eternal happiness truly is on the horizon!!!

Salty · **Posted:** Fri Dec 12, 2008 5:10 pm

the countdown is on!!!

cant wait to be eternally happy me to go along with my now considerable wealth!!!!

theres still time to join up and donate, you'll be eternally happy if you do!

Mr Ripper · **Posted:** Wed Apr 21, 2010 12:43 pm

This one Mr Compo?

Compo · **Posted:** Wed Apr 21, 2010 12:47 pm

no the one were he is on about the programme brittania high saying it was the best new'est thing on the tv.

Mr Irrelevant · **Joined:** Thu Aug 17, 2006 8:25 pm **Posts:** 22683

it's in the classic POK forum.

Salty · **Posted:** Wed May 26, 2010 4:30 pm

haha, forgot all about this madness!

anyways, the end really is around the corner, its on the horizon.......keep the faith punters!

[people in these cults really are mentally ill IMO...cant believe i was for so long! oh well, such is life.]

the Holy Church of Brittania High

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