It has been alleged that POK is in fact a witch. The allegations are of course serious and a trial will be held in due course. In the mean time we need a prosecution team for which we need volunteers.

POK can conduct his own defence as obviously no one will defend him seeing as he's a witch.

So, who is going to prosecute?

oooooooooo
live from the witch trials

oh this sounds fun

I volunteer my services to POK and am willing to sit on his bench as his defence lawyer, however if he is found to be indeed a witch then am i free to switch sides ?

It's a thankless task but you're welcome to it. It's pointless of course because he's as guilty as sin.

Thats what they said about O J Simpson

He is a witch and so is his cousin

Does he have a crooked nose and a small black pussy (cat)

I can make the nose.

I've got a big pointy hat, but, when Harriet Harman pops up as the defence, 'cos no woman can do owt wrong,even if she's a horrible, evil, murderous, pointless, never gets her round in mare,....can I still batter Claire Short??

You fancy Clare Short and want to bum her up the mini-moo, FACT!

I'll be part of the defence team, please ensure we have a full list of witnesses and so called statements.

I hope his refusal of a kip-down at Bob's house is one of the charges.

'The mini-moo'

HELP! I've just followed-through!

If the going gets to tough Bob and it isn't looking to good for POK we could always plead insanity on his behalf, i think we might get away with that

Just in case you missed it earlier on.. heres the protocol




By the way whatever happened to the Grand Inquistor Mr Ed

Do we need the Spanish Inquisition?

Given the nature, occupation and general well-being of the defence, I think it persuant to all parties to remain sensitive and aware of all aspects of Lewiston "the Witchety McWitch" Smithston V State (1786) and also possibly watch a lot of reruns of Bewitched. It is crucial to the appeals process that due dilgence is applied to all aspects of the prosecution, in particular the bogus "Duffus Defence" which will inevitable by forthcoming.

I, and my not insubstantial legal team, the Eagles, will be offering our pro-bono services at the appropriate rate.

Yours in persuance of the law at any cost, with particular reference to matters of a whitchety nature.

When does his trial start Mr I?

Trial date set for Wednesday 18th November 2009 in the year of our Lord to commence at 7 hours of the eve.

Defendant: (Guilty party) Mr Poolie of Kent
Defence council: Mr Verbalkint and Mr Gighapoolie

Prosecution: The Lord God assisted by all right thinking men and women but in particular the members of this honourable house.

Prsecution team, please make sure there is a good fire burning for after he is found guilty.

Hope he is found guilty within the hour, some of us have football to go and play, or in my case to stand and watch.

look if you're going to burn him can we roast some spuds and some horse chestnuts and maybe toast some marshmallows aswell

OK POK, buckle up this could get rough. It appears that they have enlisted the services of Lord God Almighty on their team, good move on their behalf as apparantly he's omnipresent which makes our defence conflabs a bit of a stretch. But good news is he is also kind of mythical so we may be able to push that one if the going gets nasty. Myself and the V man need to know just one simple fact before we proceed - do you float? If so, the chances are we're pretty fecked as the old ducking stool will definately come into play and, as I am sure you are aware - floating is bone fide evidence of witchcraft and therefore pretty crucial. So, get back to us on that one as soon as possible and we'll go from there. Excellent, glad we had this chat. That's £18,965, payable in advance of our next consultation.

Well Mr Gigha i have been doing a bit of digging into there prosecution team and i dont think you are going to like what i am about to tell you

Amongst there vast team of top bunkeritte brains they have indeed enlisted Chip who as well as being the lord of Love and will woo any female defence witnesses POK has (if he has any, Miss Tigga?) and turn them after being in his presence he is also THE WITCHSMELLER PERSUIVANT.

We are well and truly royally fooked now

Mr V, it does look like we are fecked. Also, without a bleedin defendee we are in a difficuult position. POK - where the hell are you? And where is my, sorry Mr V, our £18,965?

I think the whole Chip thing could be a Red Herring - I hear he is extremely busy presently and has a backlog of, er, appointments, so we may be spared his influences. Plus, as you say, has POK got female admirers/colleagues/passersby he has stared at.

No, the deal breaker is this whole floating thing I think. And his ability to pay his bills.

As part of his defence team at least 1/3rd of that belongs to me.

Just what defence are we going to use though, when our client hasn't been on here to help his defence.

We could use...... He is in fact a "White Witch" and only does good. But the does "good" bit means we lose almost instantly.

But I believe we should use the theory from many centuries ago that a "witch" did not act alone and that where there was one witch there where many other's.

With this theory we therefore need the prosecution to name names, who on the bunker is in allegiance with POK. If POK is in fact a witch , is it a family trait, with this in mind , we could name TAX PAYING POOLIE as a witch, or call him as a defence witness to say that witchcraft does not run in the family, putting doubt in the juror's mind that POK is in fact a witch.

Although charged with witchcraft the prosecution has ,in fact, not actually, mentioned any particular crime that POK has committed.

I believe this trial has other meanings to the prosecution. It is a plot made up by some bunkerites who want to devalue the standing of POK within the bunker – and expand theirs. Their standing on the bunker has gone down, while his has risen and with this in mind they need to get back what they consider the "prestige" they once held on the board.

You know after reading my 2 fellow defence counselers summing up there i think POK is in with a chance

He's guilty.

I like your spirit in trying to offer a defence, but my advice is that you're wasting your time.

By the way Mr PoK, did you get your 10m badge when you were swimming at junior school?

If you like, I could soften him up before the burning, there is this ducking stool in Kent

And?? Harriet Harman liked it....

Mind, it wasn't so mini... More like a Mersey-moo..... I had to strap a plank across me...errr....moo

This trial business is bollox .. .. we all know he's the Devils spawn and why we're bothering with a trial when a perfectly good ducking stool would do the job just as quickly is beyond me.
As for his defence team, they're obviously his little wizards and no doubt take part in sordid group practices in an 'aroused' state while watching populist TV prorammes, burn em too...
Can I be Witchfinder General....? I'm a complete and utter bastard when it comes to reigns of terror.

Oi, snowman. Had yer friggin pash big man. Been accused of many things but POK's biatch is a bit over the top there. I will willingly stand as his legally appointed council - even tho the soft shandy drinking tube has paid FECK ALL, towards his defence teams expenses - ah mean, does he think Jamesons pays for itself? , but to assume I bend to his every will. That's wrong Snowman, just wrong. Bit he still no witch, no way. My man will take on the ducking stool every time. No fear, no problem.



POK where's my fecking cash man, where busting our hole here trying to keep you out the chair. We need payola bigman. Aparantly the china connection are on yer case. ....


And apparantly I have turned into some mafia type guy. And Tree with rodent is an Ass? Who knows, or cares? Cos he's Grave anyhoo...

It is apparent that old POK is weaving his spell over you, as your previously impeccable use of the English language is now interspersed with fluent jibberish. Your only hope of salvation is to renounce the POK beast as the rent boy of Beelzebub and then we can get the the bonfire built.