Psychologist bod from Uni of Portsmouth has discovered the A-Z of football cheats and has released the ultimate 'how-to-spot' list.
Cheats may:
clutch their body in parts where they haven't been hit;
take an extra roll whern they hit the ground;
take fully controlled strides after being tackled but before falling;
hold both arms in the air with open palms, chest thrust out, legs bent at the knee.

Erm, if a psychologist can see it, why not a referee?

not a big fan of psychology

I see. When did these feelings begin?

when I realised its bollocks, people getting paid to hear others moan about their problems and then tell them the obvious cause that they could have worked out themselves.

By that account every women I have met is a psychologist

You mean....you've been paying women to listen to you moan and tell you the obvious cause you could have worked out for yourself??


You need a psychologist.

No, he's been paying women so that he can get his end away.

that sounds like a plan Ripper.
I'm on it.











PS you can kill them when I'm finished

No bother.

We've got loads of bridges on this job, no proper big ones but loads of concrete going on.

You mean, you're going to pay women so that Compo.......
You must really like him.

I still advocate my plan were if the referee says no foul, you're allowed to boot the living shite out of the cheating tosser and get him off the pitch where he can't cheat any more, and when the other members of his team attack the attackers, one player can run up with the ball, nut the keeper and score.

Bit like Slap Shot, but footy!!