Pools Monopolise 'Almost' Signings


Pools have made an audacious triple swoop to strengthen their team by almost signing Ronaldo, Rivaldo and Morientes. Boss Chris Turner is reported to have said "I think this will prove to everyone how ambitious we are and that we are the top club in Europe. This continues the good progress from when we almost signed Shevchenko last year and only last week we almost signed Rivaldo, Ronaldo and Morientes. If any of the top players in the world become available we can guarantee that we will almost sign them."
Manchester United manager Alex Ferguson was rumoured to have said "I just don't know how we can compete with Pools. We signed Rio Ferdinand and straight away Pools responded by almost signing Rivaldo, Ronaldo and Morientes."

Arsene Wenger stated "Pools are ruining the game with their monopoly on almost signing people. The rest of us just don't stand a chance. I would have loved to have almost signed these 3 players but we are just not in a position to compete."

Spanish giants Real Madrid commented that they were very worried that Pools would start to unsettle some of their stars with the possibility of nearly signing for Pools being hard to turn down.

Chairman Ken Hodcroft explained "this is the beginning of another golden era in the fortunes of Hartlepool United football club, we have made extensive funds available to the manager and have told him that that he can nearly sign any player he wishes".

The glory days of Hartlepool United are returning."



I know its a rehash of an old joke but its quite pertinent... I think we've all been had!!

Vince Hilarious?

We arent farking signing him are we?

He must be old. Ancient infact.

Laughing like fook here............no, really i am..