Right, you've all been a bit grumpy on here lately so I'm organising a Bunker Secret Santa for Christmas. Idea is : I'll pair you all up and then you buy your partner a secret present to be opened on Christmas Eve.
Mr Ripper and Chip can have each other, obviously, and I'd better have Cornelius (on the grounds that a woman is less likely to get arrested while buying the sort of thing he likes.)

Who's in?

This is the sort of thing that happens in offices full of women ...... the infamous .... 'bran tub'

Why "obviously"?!

Who said anything about religion??
I keep telling everyone....Christmas is a pagan festival associated with fertility and rebirth...that sort of thing.

.. and just what aren't we being told here.... ?

I HAVE told you...it's a secret

What is...?

Count me out. I hate Christmas.

OO, surely you would like to be paired up with someone and buy them a present? Tell you what, I'll team you with Snowy, since you are two of the first to volunteer

I'll wear something for Snowy.

I despise it as well - I will never get through to the wife that she simply does not have to spend hundreds (actually more like 1500) pounds on presents, a lot of which will never be used by the recipient

Stop her pocket money and hide her purse.

I've rarely had £1500 in my possession, all at once, but if I had, I'd keep it for myself

You got me thinking what wasthe most cash I'd ever had on my person.

Actually it was pretty easy. When I was preparing to do my runner from Froggyland I came for a reccy in the UK loaded to the gunwales with euros.
I was definintely worth mugging that day.

I've hidden the bank cards. The snag is when I do that I tend to forget where they are myself, and the chances are the missus will find them anyway....................

I thought you were a member the HCoBH?!

you cant slave for 2 masters you know!
you must leave that particular 'religion' behind I'm afraid....

Right, so it's you and Mr Thin then. That would seem to answer your questions.

Then it's, let me see, Richard and parmo, altho that mightn't work as Richard has no euros left and parmo doesn't do presents

oh Mr Thin and I will give each other one alright!!

Here, you're not supposed to be enjoying yourselves, you know

but we're H-A-P-P-Y!

...a bag over your head?

Ask yourself this...

Think back a year, december 25th 2007, all the presents you got, how many do you still have now?

I bet not many

It just shows how pointless it is.

Bar humbug

and snowy, the word brantub was used today in work

isnt there normally a set price that you have to spend that exact amount.

and if it is the case where do all of the presents get dropped off?

My house.

Unless they're dog turds or explosive devices. Or butt plugs.

That stuff goes to Mr Thin & Crusty.

is that dribbles 45th alter ego then?

That's the spirit, loyal blue, a few pertinent questions at last.
And as you're volunteering for the role of Santa, the presents will of course be dropped off at your place. We'll set the limit low this year, say a fiver, as everyone is hard up.

I'd have a go but I suspect I know who you'd team me up with

Still haven't seen that guy when he's not been inside a green paisley dressing gown

[quote="Frodraff"]I'd have a go but I suspect I know who you'd team me up with [/quo

Noodles.

That's what you're having, if there's a few jiao left you might get chopsticks to eat 'em with. Otherwise it's the plastic fork you get in the packaging. That melts, halfway through.

I want Marmite.

Well I drank mine......and that included the aftershave.