Is visiting the Bunker this afty.

Anyone want cash? And what for?

No disrespect, Mr E, but it's the Government who should be looking after groups as your daughter's, and not relying on charity.

What sort of thing will the secret millionaire help with, then?



(Not that I'm speaking to you after that mean pm )

Honestly, you don't need a hoover. I was never happier than when mine went in for a repair...got on so well without it

And what's wrong with felching?

I could do with a few quid for the kids teams i help run Under 8 and 9's

i would buy some mannequins for kent ....

I'm thinking of booting our lass out and living on me tod, can't afford it though...

So you can pay me some rent or buy me a new fit non argumentative do as there told lass if you like...

can he get me a parmo?

I want a windmill in old Amsterdam. (Mad John can share it)

i would like a judges outfit, a spirit level, werthers originals, a tortoise, an arctic roll and a monkey in a wizards suit...please xxx

Top notch pervery!

The local magistrates say I need me knackers snatching but there's no NHS round here so if the gadgie can help me out, we don't need to employ the ponies or the lads with the rope.....

It's about seven grand, is that alright??

He'd be making an old man very happy and helping a major world economy clean it's envirornment.

Honest.

I'm thinking of moving up from my Dassault Falcon business jet to Learjet,.... do I qualify?

I'll do it for a tenner, good opportunity to try out my new soldering iron Stanlet knife blade selection.

Does anyone know when that Secret Millionaire from Hartlepool is on?

I think that there was some millionaire gadgie who went to Easington which was on either last week or the week before, is that the fella you are thinking about Mr Kent

If it was Easington why was it in Hartlepool Mail, but anyway thanks Fensy!

because the mail is now printed in sunnaland,and is a shadow of what it was when blackwood was editor

a few grand for a flight home for the leeds match would be appreciated

You are the greatest living comedian!

The thing is Mr Mut, although I agree with you, I don't think that the market is there for a truly Hartlepool paper anymore, and that it has to be combined with the Yakker News to make it a financially viable proposition. The Yakkers then get news about Hartlepool in much the same way we here about their stuff, and they rub their collective heads wondering where on Earth Hartlepool is and what its pit used to be called.

I still get it delivered Monday to Friday, it's something to read when I get in from work and go for my regular early evening shite.

I don't bother with Saturday's Mail like, there's not even enough pages to wrap chips in.

As I always say

'You are now entering Houghton-le-Spring, please put your watch back to 1973.....'

i may be the greatest living comedian but i bought a mail today the first time in months,and do you know what its still shite