No one is listening until you fart.
If you think nobody cares whether you're alive or dead, try missing a couple of mortgage payments.
If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you.
Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish, and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day.
If you lend someone £20 and never see that person again, it was probably well worth it.
Don't worry; it only seems kinky the first time.
Good judgment comes from bad experience, and most of that comes from bad judgment.
There are two theories to arguing with women. Neither one works.
Generally speaking, you aren't learning much when your lips are moving.
Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night

you speak much truth Kimosabe