Toilet Reading

Spender · **Posted:** Tue Oct 03, 2006 8:21 pm

I know birds don't geddit but never mind them. WE know it's the only place that we get peace and quiet.

What is on the windowsill in the throne room of your house?? What do you peruse whilst snapping a link off??

Speaking personally, I have Q magazine in there so I can catch up on the months news in the world of popular music. If Debbie Harry, Chrissie Hynd, or Natalie Imbruglia is in there as well..that's a bonus!! :wink:

GroovyCrimes · **Posted:** Tue Oct 03, 2006 9:13 pm

Im gonna have to admit to letting the side down,I dont bother,Im in job done & out again,its the Mrs that keeps a book next to the pot in our house.

MutleyRules · **Posted:** Tue Oct 03, 2006 10:14 pm

At this present moment I've got the latest issue of MB and a book called....'Do Fish Drink Water'???? :sweet:

bresslaw · **Joined:** Sat Aug 19, 2006 10:45 am **Posts:** 2411

Always the most recent Private Eye, a quality read

Dugoutpaddy · **Joined:** Sat Sep 02, 2006 10:23 am **Posts:** 1772

Mr Ripper · **Posted:** Wed Oct 04, 2006 7:26 am

Monkey Business and a Viz annual in the upstairs, usually just the daily newspaper downstairs.

Spender · **Posted:** Wed Oct 04, 2006 8:59 am

Mr Ripper wrote:

Monkey Business and a Viz annual in the upstairs, usually just the daily newspaper downstairs.

I knew there'd be at least one two pot poser!! How many arses have you got?? :roll:

Karl Marx · **Posted:** Wed Oct 04, 2006 9:23 am

I'm with Mr Crimes; in out and away! Besides, sitting on the bog too long gives you piles. :shock:

Spender · **Posted:** Wed Oct 04, 2006 9:36 am

Did you ever hear the story about the tortoise and the hare?? :roll:

Mister Ed · **Posted:** Wed Oct 04, 2006 9:36 am

Pooliekev wrote:

I know birds don't geddit but never mind them. WE know it's the only place that we get peace and quiet.

What is on the windowsill in the throne room of your house?? What do you peruse whilst snapping a link off??

Speaking personally, I have Q magazine in there so I can catch up on the months news in the world of popular music. If Debbie Harry, Chrissie Hynd, or Natalie Imbruglia is in there as well..that's a bonus!! :wink:

what windowsill?

Spender · **Posted:** Wed Oct 04, 2006 9:38 am

No windows in your cludgie?? :shock:

But after a night on the curry and Strongarm.............. :uhoh:

Mr Irrelevant · **Joined:** Thu Aug 17, 2006 8:25 pm **Posts:** 22562

I once seen my 'brother in law' go off to the thunderbox carrying the following:

Newspaper - fair enough
Cup of tea - dodgy but maybe
Bacon sandwich - dirty twat!

Mister Ed · **Posted:** Wed Oct 04, 2006 9:51 am

Pooliekev wrote:

No windows in your cludgie?? :shock:

But after a night on the curry and Strongarm.............. :uhoh:

we have a fan!

but if you stand out onit it gets blown around the room.....

Karl Marx · **Posted:** Wed Oct 04, 2006 9:59 am

Pooliekev wrote:

Did you ever hear the story about the tortoise and the hare?? :roll:

And how is it relevant here?

Mr Irrelevant · **Joined:** Thu Aug 17, 2006 8:25 pm **Posts:** 22562

An old mate of mine used to have a party trick where he pulled his scrotem up over the whole tackle area and referred to it as his tortoise. Perhaps thats what he means, not sure how you do a hare though :uhoh:

Spender · **Posted:** Wed Oct 04, 2006 10:19 am

Karl Marx wrote:

Pooliekev wrote:

Did you ever hear the story about the tortoise and the hare?? :roll:

And how is it relevant here?

It illustrates that it never pays to be too hasty. Would you sooner your students stared at the tiles or at some weighty tome picking up knowledge that would gain them exam marks?? A wasted chance to learn is after all a sin in the eyes of man.

Karl Marx · **Posted:** Wed Oct 04, 2006 10:19 am

Mr I wrote:

An old mate of mine used to have a party trick where he pulled his scrotem up over the whole tackle area and referred to it as his tortoise. Perhaps thats what he means, not sure how you do a hare though :uhoh:

Tea on the monitor!

Spender · **Posted:** Wed Oct 04, 2006 10:20 am

Mr I wrote:

An old mate of mine used to have a party trick where he pulled his scrotem up over the whole tackle area and referred to it as his tortoise. Perhaps thats what he means, not sure how you do a hare though :uhoh:

I bet Poolieinnottingham can pull his over his head and do a 'Grayfields goalmouth....' :uhoh:

Karl Marx · **Posted:** Wed Oct 04, 2006 11:03 am

Pooliekev wrote:

Mr I wrote:

An old mate of mine used to have a party trick where he pulled his scrotem up over the whole tackle area and referred to it as his tortoise. Perhaps thats what he means, not sure how you do a hare though :uhoh:

I bet Poolieinnottingham can pull his over his head and do a 'Grayfields goalmouth....' :uhoh:

Very funny, now answer my question!

Montpoolier · **Posted:** Wed Oct 04, 2006 11:10 am

Can I just say that the toilet is the last place in the world I wish to spend my time, whether reading books, writing love letters, watching TV, playing snooker, composing songs, or just plain shitting (although I'll concede that last one does occasionally happen)!

Spender · **Posted:** Wed Oct 04, 2006 11:31 am

Karl Marx wrote:

Pooliekev wrote:

Mr I wrote:

An old mate of mine used to have a party trick where he pulled his scrotem up over the whole tackle area and referred to it as his tortoise. Perhaps thats what he means, not sure how you do a hare though :uhoh:

I bet Poolieinnottingham can pull his over his head and do a 'Grayfields goalmouth....' :uhoh:

Very funny, now answer my question!

I did do, see above, Mr Shirty!! :roll:

Jeez....

poolieinnottingham · **Posted:** Wed Oct 04, 2006 11:39 am

Quote:

I bet Poolieinnottingham can pull his over his head and do a 'Grayfields goalmouth

It's funny you should say that, I'm a big fan of 'Puppetry of the Penis', I've been to see it a couple of times and have the book and the DVD.

My favourite one is the 'hairy tongue', closely followed by the 'slowly emerging mollusc'.

ChunkyMonkey · **Joined:** Mon Sep 04, 2006 12:59 pm **Posts:** 569

No reading material, but I do have a radio which can provide light entertainment as well as drowning out any unsavoury sounds that may eminate from the lavvy. :sweet:

Karl Marx · **Posted:** Wed Oct 04, 2006 11:56 am

Pooliekev wrote:

Karl Marx wrote:

Pooliekev wrote:

Mr I wrote:

An old mate of mine used to have a party trick where he pulled his scrotem up over the whole tackle area and referred to it as his tortoise. Perhaps thats what he means, not sure how you do a hare though :uhoh:

I bet Poolieinnottingham can pull his over his head and do a 'Grayfields goalmouth....' :uhoh:

Very funny, now answer my question!

I did do, see above, Mr Shirty!! :roll:

Jeez....

Still don't get it! How can wasting your time sitting on the bog have a purpose? If you like to read, I'd rather do that sitting on the sofa with the added bonus of avoiding piles!

Spender · **Posted:** Wed Oct 04, 2006 11:58 am

Ah... the newlywed eh??? :grin:

Bless 'em, six more months and it'll be the 'dutch oven.' :laugh:

Karl Marx · **Posted:** Wed Oct 04, 2006 12:01 pm

Pooliekev wrote:

Ah... the newlywed eh??? :grin:

Bless 'em, six more months and it'll be the 'dutch oven.' :laugh:

But there must be better places to escape from 'er indoors than the bog?

Spender · **Posted:** Wed Oct 04, 2006 12:23 pm

Karl Marx wrote:

Pooliekev wrote:

Ah... the newlywed eh??? :grin:

Bless 'em, six more months and it'll be the 'dutch oven.' :laugh:

But there must be better places to escape from 'er indoors than the bog?

I was talking to Chunky Monkey actually, but seeing as your attention span resembles that of the average hummingbird, I will re-iterate. The lavvy may be functional and possibly irksome to some but also, in order that we don't walk round in our own filth it is ncessary that we spend some time in there. So why not dual task and learn as you evacuate. I'm not saying go in there solely to read, I'm saying read while you have to be there. :roll:

Or are you Uni lecturers too good to shit?? :grin:

Montpoolier · **Posted:** Wed Oct 04, 2006 12:29 pm

Pooliekev wrote:

I'm saying read while you have to be there.

You'd need to be either a speed reader or a two-pounder to get any useful reading done though wouldn't you.

Karl Marx · **Posted:** Wed Oct 04, 2006 12:35 pm

richard head wrote:

Pooliekev wrote:

I'm saying read while you have to be there.

You'd need to be either a speed reader or a two-pounder to get any useful reading done though wouldn't you.

Exactly! I can only assume that you have a problem Kev with your insides! Are they all wrong?

Spender · **Posted:** Wed Oct 04, 2006 12:58 pm

richard head wrote:

Pooliekev wrote:

I'm saying read while you have to be there.

You'd need to be either a speed reader or a two-pounder to get any useful reading done though wouldn't you.

Ah, well, now, you see!!!! This is why you should select your reading material with due consideration. Most of the articles in Q are quarter, half or full pagers and are cluttered with photo's and adverts, so whether it's a full three course indian or a handful of peanuts, there's always a suitable snippet to snap it. :grin:

Christ no-one's advocating the Gettysburg Address........ :roll:

Spender · **Posted:** Wed Oct 04, 2006 1:11 pm

Err....yeah...right...thanks, mate.....

Security!!!! :laugh:

Karl Marx · **Posted:** Wed Oct 04, 2006 1:36 pm

MadJohn wrote:

Pooliekev wrote:

Christ no-one's advocating the Gettysburg Address........ :roll:

Which, at just 272 words, is probably shorter than the average Q article :laugh:

And more interesting? Q: old man's music magazine?

Spender · **Posted:** Wed Oct 04, 2006 1:36 pm

MadJohn wrote:

Pooliekev wrote:

Christ no-one's advocating the Gettysburg Address........ :roll:

Which, at just 272 words, is probably shorter than the average Q article :laugh:

Not if you take the word 'essential' out of the equation.............

Karl Marx · **Posted:** Wed Oct 04, 2006 1:41 pm

Karl Marx wrote:

MadJohn wrote:

Pooliekev wrote:

Christ no-one's advocating the Gettysburg Address........ :roll:

Which, at just 272 words, is probably shorter than the average Q article :laugh:

And more interesting? Q: old man's music magazine?

Sorry, old woman's music magazine?

Salty · **Posted:** Wed Oct 04, 2006 1:47 pm

Karl Marx wrote:

Besides, sitting on the bog too long gives you piles. :shock:

dunno about piles but it gives me pins and needles in me legs!!!

predictably i have an NME and a MB in my toilet, and same as kevso the articles are all nice n short so no longer than necessary has to be spent

Karl Marx · **Posted:** Wed Oct 04, 2006 1:48 pm

Elvis Costellos Glasses wrote:

I stopped buying "Q" 'cos I was sick of reading shite about talentless no-marks like the Arctic Monkeys, couldn't you possibly be a bit more respectful to us "Old Men" please? :wink:

Given your substantial weight loss, I thought that you were a young man?

Spender · **Posted:** Wed Oct 04, 2006 1:53 pm

Nah, that's Mojo you're thinking of.

You know what they say, if it's too loud, turn it down........ :roll:

poolieinnottingham · **Posted:** Wed Oct 04, 2006 1:56 pm

Seeing as most of you like to keep a copy of Monkey Business by the bog, in future issues I might include a couple of pages of Darlo photos to tear off and wipe yer jacksies on.

Salty · **Posted:** Wed Oct 04, 2006 1:58 pm

thats what i do with dibbles articles!!!
and the page where I said DW was a good appointment!!! :grin:

Salty · **Posted:** Wed Oct 04, 2006 1:59 pm

Elvis Costellos Glasses wrote:

Karl Marx wrote:

Elvis Costellos Glasses wrote:

I stopped buying "Q" 'cos I was sick of reading shite about talentless no-marks like the Arctic Monkeys, couldn't you possibly be a bit more respectful to us "Old Men" please? :wink:

Given your substantial weight loss, I thought that you were a young man?

Sadly I'm only losing pounds, not years, and the bike riding is taking it's toll on my ability to stay awake of an evening. I've yet to see the News At Ten this week! Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

half yer luck, yet again I'm Mr.Insomniac :evil:

Toilet Reading

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