15 Degrees. Southerners turn on their heating. Geordies plant their gardens.

10 Degrees. Southerners shiver uncontrollably. Geordies Sunbathe.

5 Degrees. Southern cars will not start. Geordies drive with their windows down

0 Degrees. Southerners wear coats, gloves, and wool hats. Geordies throw a t-shirt on (Girls start wearing mini-skirts)

-5 Degrees. Southerners begin to Evacuate. Geordies go swimming in the North Sea.

-10 degrees. Southern landlords turn up the heat. Geordies have the last barbecue before it gets cold.

-15 Degrees. Southerners cease to exist. Geordies throw on a lightweight jacket.

-20 Degrees. Polar bears wonder if it's worth it. Geordie Boy scouts start wearing long trousers.

-25 Degrees. Santa Claus abandons the North Pole. Geordies put on their long johns.

-30 Degrees. Alcohol freezes. Geordies become frustrated because the pubs are shut.

-35 Degrees. Microbiological life starts to disappear. The cows on Newcastle town moor complain of vets with cold hands.

-40 Degrees. All atomic motion stops. Geordies start to stamp their feet and blow on their hands.

-50 Degrees. Hell freezes over..........Newcastle United win a trophy